And when they don’t, you get mad at them for not fulfilling their end of the partnership.
As if this is some unwritten law all relationships must abide by, no thanks to the soapies and sitcoms and movies we watch or the novels we read.
"You aren’t fun to me anymore."
"You aren’t making me as happy as you did before."
"What you are doing to me does not make me feel good."
When you come from the point of view that it’s your partner’s responsibility to make you feel good, or that you are nothing without your partner or that you aren’t whole when you partner doesn’t interact with you, then you are putting yourself at the mercy of your partner’s action.
You aim in any relationship then is to share the love you already have for yourself already.
That way you do not come from a powerless emotional place but from an empowered one.
Know Thy Self
To put it into context rather: LOVE Thy Self.
Which a lot of people DO NOT do...
For instance, listen to how many times you criticize yourself during the course of your day.
How is that loving yourself when you say things like:
- "I’m not good enough”
- "I don’t deserve it”
- "Why did I say that?! I’m so stupid!”
- "How could I say that, I’m such an idiot!”
- "I’ll never get that, I should stop trying”
- "I will never win”
- "I will always be a loser”
- "This is how things are and will always be”
You keep at this long enough and you will come to believing it.
Most people tend to associate these negative affirmations with love because they have heard them all their lives from people they cared about.
I mean I care about this person, you tell yourself, and if they keep on telling me things that don’t make me feel good, surely that’s how love feels like.
But I digress.
Surround your environment with things that make you feel good.
Begin to slowly and consciously talk to yourself in a more supportive and caring way.
Do and hang around more things and people that make you feel good.
Realize that the power to feel loved lies with you right now.
And for you to receive love you need to give love...that means you’ve always had it in you to give.
And I love you.
~ Musawenkosi Tshoaele